Imaginary Jesus by Matt Mikalatos

June is the month for the CSFF to bring you Imaginary Jesus by Matt Mikalatos. This is a hard-to-classify story that's a social commentary on the way Christians tend to make Jesus in their own image rather than the one God intended. Modern, quirky, and irreverent, Mikalatos shines some light in places we usually don't talk about and gleefully holds up a mirror so we can be sure of what we see.

Things You Never Thought Would Happen to You In the Years B.C. (Before Children)

Open refrigerator. Say, "Hey, there's a big glass of grape juice that someone's covered with a piece of Saran wrap." Think that's kind of odd but not the strangest thing to happen. Remove glass from fridge. Remove Saran wrap. Drink liquid.

Race to sink. Say, "Hey, that's not grape juice; it's rinse water from purple paint brushes" while spitting liquid onto last night's dishes.

Return to fridge. Eye the glass half full of apple juice. Say, "Well, that doesn't look like a urine sample..."

Committee on Un-American Activities

OK, it's been a few days and I've got to say that I'm getting hooked on World Cup football. I'm starting to understand the strategies, I can see how the players are setting themselves up for passes and openings, and the international tournament setting is pretty neat. Even the low amount of scoring is now creeping through my system like crystal meth. (This is called 'variable reinforcement' for those who care, and it's much like gambling addiction.) There's also cool injuries to watch on the super slo-mo. (Some North Korean guy got carried off on a stretcher!)

But the best thing about watching the matches is that the clock never stops so there are no commercials. Just forty-five minutes of ball kicking. Twice. (I suppose that's the real reason this sport never took off in America. Logos on jerseys and flashing signs on the sidelines just can't take the place of the Coors Light Twins.)

And so I'm off to watch Bafana Bafana crush Uruguay. It's kinda cool to watch the dreams of a nation unfold in sport. America really hasn't had a moment like that since the 1980 Olympic hockey team. We'll see if South Africa can gain the same thing.

Americans Love a Winner

...and will not tolerate a loser! But even though George Patton would snap his baton at the result of today's World Cup match, you gotta be happy with a draw. In anticipation of my year in Africa I've been trying to pay attention to things that might be important to those I'll be interacting with. Football is one of them.

International goodwill not withstanding, I'm having trouble really embracing a game where both sides often play for a couple hours only to shake hands after a 0-0 tie. While I understand that not losing against England is a good result as far as the tournament goes, it just grates on me that one side or the other couldn't figuratively stand on the bloody chest of a fallen enemy and thrust red steel into the air.

If this keeps up I'll be reduced to checking the standings occasionally and the game will be as meaningless to me as the NBA. (The Lakers are in some kind of important set of games, correct?)

You Can Never Go Wrong With Zombies

Son Number Two is a genius. He has wicked computer design skills and an artist's eye for how to employ them. One of his current games of choice is Roblox, a Lego-like building program that lets you design and move around in your own worlds. I watched him build a world with different levels and spinning things and elevators. Then he sat back and said, "I'm not really sure what to do with this place now."

My reply was quick and firm. "Zombies. You can never go wrong with zombies."

And, thinking about it, that's right. If you are designing a system that encourages people to move through it in some way or another, whether it's a game or a corporate voice mail system, there must be something that keeps people on their toes. Use their brains, so to speak. Thus, you can never go wrong with zombies.

Writing Lessons From Sting

Saw Sting at the White River Amphitheatre last night. As predicted, it was cold and rainy but we were seated under cover so all was well. The orchestra was a great touch and the musical highlights were "Mad About You" and "Desert Rose."

But there were also a couple of tidbits that apply to writers. Sting said there were two types of love stories. I Love You/You Love Me, which is boring and goes nowhere, and I Love You/You Love Someone Else. It's the second one that's the most interesting and has the deepest dramatic goldmines to plunder.

Later on, he talked about how he writes songs. He's been doing it for decades and still calls it a 'mysterious process.' His tendency over the past ten to twenty years has been to arrange the music first and then let that music suggest mood and character. Fiction writers do the same kind of thing when we come up with the framework of scenarios and settings and then wait for a story and hero to fill the spaces. The interesting thing he said was not to be afraid of what comes along and demands to be written, even if it's a story about things that make us uncomfortable.

Good advice, and it's worked well for him so it's something to consider.

Ebb and Flow

I got back from Hawaii a few days ago and immediately got caught up in the Siren call of Uneventful Yet Strangely Busy Normal Life. Lawn, garbage, teaching Son Number One to drive, that sort of thing. Anyhow, what's taking up most of my time nowadays is working on getting mobilization orders overseas, probably to Africa. There's a tremendous amount of bureaucratic inertia that I have to overcome to make that happen; it's actually pretty funny. Things like three emails back and forth to the same people before we all figure out how to get my security clearance updated. You know how it goes.

What Goes Around Does Not Always Come Around

Last trip to Hawai'i was pretty light on the work and pretty heavy on the time off. That is not the case this time around. Other than a couple of easy 'check in' sort of days to start with, this exercise has been 12-13 hour night shifts and little sleep and snarled up traffic and not nearly enough M&M's. But, like we say here in the islands, "You can be having the worst day of your life, but you're still in Hawai'i."

By Darkness Hid

I've been a fan of Marcher Lord Press for a while now and they've brought out several good groups of books. The CSFF thinks so too and this month we're highlighting By Darkness Hid by Jill Williamson. It's a straight up Medieval fantasy world novel from a solid publishing house and it has a bazillion good reviews. These, then, are Things Not to Ignore.

The rest of the tour:

Brandon Barr
Keanan Brand
Gina Burgess
Beckie Burnham
Melissa Carswell
Valerie Comer
Karri Compton
R. L. Copple
Amy Cruson
CSFF Blog Tour
Stacey Dale
D. G. D. Davidson
Jeff Draper
Emmalyn Edwards
April Erwin
Sarah Flanagan
Andrea Graham
Tori Greene
Ryan Heart
Joleen Howell
Becky Jesse
Cris Jesse
Jason Joyner
Julie
Carol Keen
Krystine Kercher
Dawn King
Leighton
Rebecca LuElla Miller
New Authors Fellowship
John W. Otte
Crista Richey
Chawna Schroeder
Andrea Schultz
James Somers
Rachel Starr Thomson
Steve Trower
Fred Warren
Dona Watson
Phyllis Wheeler
KM Wilsher

View From the Top

Back in Hawai'i for more grueling duty with the Marines. Oh, by the way, this is the view from my hotel room.

Absolut Thievery

Henry V by the Seattle Shakespeare Company displayed some of the best stolen scenes I've ever seen. The play is a solid performance by all around, set in mid twentieth century England/France, but the Bernie Madoff of theatre has to be Jerick Hoffer as the gay French 'lady-in-waiting' for Princess Catherine. He only has two major scenes in that character but when he's on stage every eye is watching him. The key to his larcenous performance is how over the top he vaults himself. First he instructs Catherine on speaking English, which hilariously sets up the heist, then he acts the tetchy guardian when Henry tries to woo Catherine to be his queen, which locks him in as a criminal mastermind. Hoffer clearly has the knack for great acting which goes beyond character and gets to something more internal; he has the bravery to take what's given to him and make something truly special out of it. Can't wait to see him as a headliner.

For Those Who Love Government Health Insurance/Care

I just spent two stinkin' hours at the Department of Licensing with a hundred other people getting serviced by three counters. All for five minutes worth of work.

Just saying...

Raven's Ladder

For our second helping of goodness this month, the CSFF is presenting Raven's Ladder by Jeffrey Overstreet. This book continues the thread started in Auralia's Colors and weaves it into a full blown tapestry. Anyone who is a fan of big complex fantasy stories needs to pick this series up and give it a try.

Other opinions:
Brandon Barr
Rachel Briard (BooksForLife)
Keanan Brand
Beckie Burnham
Melissa Carswell
Valerie Comer
CSFF Blog Tour
Stacey Dale
D. G. D. Davidson
Shane Deal
Jeff Draper
April Erwin
Ryan Heart
Becky Jesse
Cris Jesse
Jason Joyner
Julie
Krystine Kercher
Dawn King
Rebecca LuElla Miller
Nissa
John W. Otte
Donita K. Paul
Crista Richey
Chawna Schroeder
Andrea Schultz
James Somers
Robert Treskillard
Steve Trower
Fred Warren
Phyllis Wheeler
KM Wilsher

Travelling Tips For the Completely Clueless

Now that I'm back in Seattle and awaiting transportation I have a few things to say about travelling. You people who don't do much flying really annoy those of us who do. You've heard the stories about airlines starting to charge for carry on bags, right? I'm not entirely opposed to this policy. As someone who's flown repeatedly over the years, I've noticed that carry ons are starting to get out of control. ONE carry on bag! Then a SMALL personal item like a purse or laptop case. Why is this so difficult to comprehend? Two bags that link together as one are still TWO! Then you have a humongous purse that could hold lipstick, a wallet, and a spare set of snow tires. And THEN you try to find a place for your shopping bags! Enough already! And while we're on the subject of carry ons, could you please arrange your stuff so that the one or two things you need while in your seat are in a convenient pocket that you can grab quickly and SIT DOWN! Also, can you please stop packing a bag so impossibly heavy that you can't even lift it?

And here's another thing. You people need to figure out what your friggin' suitcases look like. Yes, I know they're all black. But to say that they all look alike? Really, I thought we were over that as a country.

Thank you. We now return you to your regularly scheduled blog.