Friday, December 12, 2008

10 Things That Don't Suck Nearly As Bad As Eragon

1. Complicated dental procedures performed by drunk monkeys who've had their way with an unguarded espresso machine.

2. Chinese water torture.

3. Using a Black & Decker circular saw for a self-lobotomy while waiting for your wife to get out of Grocery Outlet. ("Just three things." Yeah, right.)

4. Spending all afternoon at the DMV.

5. Rachmaninov.

6. Accidentally chugging curdled milk straight from the carton.

7. FOX Reality Channel.

8. Hurrying past the kitchen table in your bare feet on a chilly Saturday morning and kicking your pinkie toe into the table leg at full force.

9. Recording the football game only to have the stupid DVR cut off the last few minutes because the stupid game went past its stupid scheduled time.

10. Windows Vista.

8 comments:

2writehands said...

LOL

NewGuyDave said...

Jeff,
I'm going to disagree with you on number 10 because Vista sucks pretty bad.

Also, it's easier to get rid of Eragon by dropping it off at a library book sale or an incinerator.

Unfortunately, getting rid of Vista, is not so easy. Backup files, reinstall windows XP, update drivers, etc.

KEANAN BRAND said...

So, uh, whatter ya sayin'? Like, is the book bad or somethin'?

(laughing) Gotta say, my favorite on the list is #1. If there were a traveling show about drunk monkeys and dental procedures, I'd go see it. It might be more horror than comedy, but (shrug) entertainment's entertainment.

I'm just glad my sister-in-law never did buy me a copy of Eragon, despite her comments about doing so for past birthdays and Christmases.

Seren said...

Rachmaninov has never sucked. Rachmaninov does not suck.
Rachmaninov will never suck.


Repeat this to yourself 10 times daily. Eventually you will be persuaded. Either that or I'll have to come and stand on your toe.

Jeff Draper said...

Em- I exist for your amusement.

Dave- I actually don't have many problems with Vista but I agree it is a resource hog.

KB- That's the best thing your sister-in-law ever forgot.

Seren, Seren, Seren... Bless your comedically challenged heart. Rachmaninov's suckiness factor is not the issue here. I actually Googled 'worst classical composers' and came up with a couple of names that no one's ever heard of. Using one of their names would have been technically accurate but the effect would have been lost. Therefore, I needed a composer's name that would be instantly recognized. Bach, Beethoven, and Brahms carried the recognizability I needed but just didn't sound catchy enough. Plus there are lots of people who've heard their works and like them quite a lot. So I needed a better name that was a little more obscure. Enter Rachmaninov. I thought about it for a while because his music is indeed beautiful and glorifies God but in the end the name was just too cool. And another point: you have to be careful with the definition of 'nearly.' Remember that it means 'less than' so I'm saying that Rachmaninov is less sucky than Eragon. To what degree may be up to debate but he definitely sucks less. And in the final analysis, everything sucks in some form or another. Some a little bit. Some a whole lot.

See the lengths I go to to provide a laugh for y'all?

Son #2 (I am the bomb.com!) said...

lol

April Erwin said...

ROFLOL! I love this list. I'm glad I'm not the only one that didn't enjoy Eragon.

Jeff Draper said...

...because there's so much not to enjoy.