Showing posts with label The Battle of Raven Kill. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Battle of Raven Kill. Show all posts

Thursday, December 21, 2023

The Saga of Othren Four-Scars

 Next up in my foray into self publication is an e-book and future paperback that combines a couple of my sold stories and an unpublished prequel story.  I've called it The Saga of Othren Four-Scars and it is a compilation of The Battle of Raven Kill, The Feorhmaeghan, and The Witch of the Westmoors.  (Side note: I've taken away access to the Google docs for these Amazon stories because I'm pretty sure the agreement with Kindle Select is that they have to be exclusive to Amazon.)

 So, the experiment continues.  Link to the new e-book is right here:

Amazon.com: The Saga of Othren Four-Scars: As told in three stories: The Battle of Raven Kill, The Feorhmaegan, The Witch of the Westmoors eBook : Draper, Jeff: Kindle Store


Sunday, September 03, 2023

The Battle of Raven Kill Again

 Next up is The Battle of Raven Kill.  It's posted on Google at: The Battle of Raven Kill

This one was a big step up from my first sale.  Much grittier, much more blood, much more splattered brain matter, and a charming father-daughter story all rolled into one.

I sold this to the amazing Jason Waltz at Rogue Blades!  You'll see his name come up again here; he's a scholar and a gentleman and I owe a lot to him.

Two versions:  Original piece that I sold and another file with embedded author's notes.  Enjoy!

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Othren Four-Scars and the Search for the MacGuffin

The new story about Oth from The Battle of Raven Kill is at 1300 words and has some interesting developments. First, I've decided to use his full name which I didn't do in RotS. In this story he's younger and a bit more full of himself. The name denotes skill and cunning and he wants everyone to know it. (Since William S. Preston, Esquire, had already been done, I went with the idea I'd had before but never used.) Second, I launched into the story not knowing what the quest object was. Usually I'll get to the point in the tale where some kind of goal needs to be revealed and sit back until I think of a cool sounding name. When nothing came to me I just typed [macguffin] and moved along. I'm pretty sure that's the first time I've actually written a story that way. Many thanks to Alfred Hitchcock for giving us a more interesting way to refer to The Thing That Drives The Plot.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Above Average is Better Than Nothing

A new review of Return of the Sword is up at a long running fiction review site called Not Free SF Reader. I'm happy to say that "The Battle of Raven Kill" scored 3.5 out of 5. Also, be sure to watch Abandoned Towers for a follow up story set in the same world.

Friday, April 25, 2008

The Spark for Raven Kill


This is the Skykomish River in Index, WA, from the deck of a cabin that my friends and I go to every now and again. Two years ago it was the inspiration for a cold, lonely river that one man had to guard with his life.

Saturday, April 05, 2008

Battle Reviewed

Holy smokes! This is an excellent review by Richard Marcus of Blogcritics Magazine. I got all giddy inside while reading it. What an amazing few days this has been! I'm great, I suck, I'm great again. Tomorrow I'll likely suck again. Yea!!!

BTW, still nothing from Rhode Island. What do I have to do, fly out there and log in myself?

Sunday, March 16, 2008

The Battle of Raven Kill (Author's Commentary)

I have no way of posting this side by side with the opening scene so you have a little work to do. (Like opening my blog in two windows.) Here's what I was thinking when writing this passage.

For the introduction of the story I wanted to start in full despair mode. I wanted to capture the hopelessness of the situation. I also wanted to hint at things to come by referring to the rocks in the river like 'knuckles of the Earth.' I liked that first line so much it became the only thing in this scene that survived.

Now we have the first of many extraneous characters make an appearance. I used the scout character to bring the readers up to speed on what sort of odds the clan is facing.

The medicine woman comes next and I really liked her as a character. She was intended to be my method of hinting at what Oth was capable of. The first simile I came up with for her medicine bags was 'hanging off her like dead rats' but after some thought I came up with the pine cones. Not everything's a gem in the rough draft.

The exchange with Oth about being empty and searching for something useful was another way to illustrate the bad situation they were all in. At the same time I wanted to show her as a capable healer and valuable member of the clan, respected by the men who are clearly in charge. Serle's wound exists for no other reason than that.

Then we get to the line I stole from Terminator 2. The scout needed to show the reader that things were bad and getting worse. Without still knowing the full reason for the clan to be on the run, what could be worse than the number of enemy pursuers to be 'all of them?' I think it says "We're in deep kimche" better than "Oh, about a hundred or so." It also tells the reader something about the relentless nature of the bad guys which becomes important later on.

While this is not specifically a Christian tale, I can't seem to keep references to God out of my writing. At this point I am layering on the despair by having a character claim to be forsaken by God. I wasn't exactly sure of the type of God I wanted in this story and it took a few passes and some great advice by a sharp eyed beta reader for me to zero in on it.

This argument between the man and the chieftain points out one of the growing problems I was having with this opening. None of the characters except Oth and the scout have names yet. I tried it but names kept leading to descriptions and descriptions kept leading to histories and I wasn't getting to the story I wanted to tell.

Then I have Oth finally announce the plot. He stays and fights. Everyone else, move along. Simple. That was supposed to be the whole story but as I started writing I just kept including things to set up the situation and the characters. Also here, I was trying to establish that Oth is quite confident that he can hold off the bad guys but it might be difficult for him.

The crafty, unnamed medicine woman knows instantly what Oth is going to do. She's in on it. This was just a device to clue the reader into something special happening.

The unnamed chieftain gets his longest speech at this point as a way of establishing Oth's street cred. The name 'Othren Four-Scars' did not survive the final draft because it was actually an idea I had for a different story of a character with ritual scars from personal duels to the death. I simply threw it in here because I needed a full and important sounding name at the moment and didn't want to stop typing long enough to think of one.

By this point I was realizing that I was really struggling with getting the clan on the road and letting Oth unleash on the Pechts. It was a time where these stupid characters kept arguing and strategizing and I'm flat running out of pages that I can devote to them. Oth also foreshadows his own doom, which is necessary.

So the rough draft of this section had a couple more arguments back and forth but in my first attempt to salvage these pages I cut them and replaced them with the chieftain holding up his hand and essentially saying, 'shut up, let's go.' And then everyone leaves. It was the only way I could get them to just move along but I didn't like it.

Even as I was hastily ushering the clan off stage right I knew that Oth would have no one else to talk to for the rest of the story. That becomes a problem for writers everywhere because important plot points now have to be thought by the protagonist and they usually ring hollow. So I have the crafty medicine woman, still unnamed, come right out and admit that Oth has some kind of secret. I'm doing a tap dance here and hoping that the reader won't call me on it.

I also take a little time to hint at the value of steel and therefore the value of steel spear points later on.

All these discussions of Oth's chances at victory are designed to plant the seeds of doubt in the reader. No matter how big and strong your protagonist is, the story's just not interesting if there isn't the real chance for him to fail.

The unnamed man who stops at the very tail end of the clan to wish him well serves two purposes. First, I loved the line 'frayed to the last twist' and was trying desperately to work it into this passage. Second, Oth needed a shield and I still hadn't figured out where it would come from.

Then Oth gives an Arnold Schwarzenegger line and we're done.

So that was it. Four pages of delay and set up before Oth gets down to business. As it is the story still has a couple of pages before the Pechts begin to show up. After cutting this scene I decided to bring in an idea that had been rolling around inside my head. Oth's daughter. She, in just a few sentences, sums up the despair of the clan and the mysterious secret that Oth holds. In order to avoid all the questions about family and wives and such, I made her adopted.

But to find out the full extent of her role in the story... You'll have to buy the book.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

The Battle of Raven Kill (Deleted Scene)

Today is the day that Return of the Sword is released to the eagerly awaiting public. As promised, here's the DVD bonus features. First up is the opening scene that I struggled with, rewrote a few times, and then finally cut.


Rocks withstood the incessant crush of the swollen river, pushing above the roaring water like knuckles of the Earth. About two dozen women and children huddled on the smooth dirt leading up to a low stone bridge. Oth stood, one foot on the bridge and one foot on the dirt, blood caked on him like muddy rivers of his own. He watched the remains of his clan; some drank from or filled waterskins, some comforted babes that had long ago stopped crying, some knelt and stared at the dirt around them. Of the handful of men that remained, none spoke.

Oth saw a figure loping out of the darkness beyond the riverbank, favoring his left leg. He nudged his chieftain, a man who’s beaded sash of office had been converted to a bandage on his upper right arm. “Serle’s back.” Oth’s voice was tired and course. “Wounded.”

The woman closest to them turned her head. Her silver hair was tied back into a braided tail that hung to the small of her back. She wore clothing of rough brown fabric and had several leather pouches hanging from her like pine cones on a gnarled tree. She reached for one as she stepped into the group of men. Her hand closed around the leather and squeezed. She let out a sigh and shook her head. “Empty.”

Oth reached over and put a gentle hand on her shoulder. “We’re all empty.”

She raised the back of her hand to her eye and wiped away a tear. “No, no. I… I must have something here.” She absently checked her other pouches as she stifled her sobs. “I must have something.”

The other men murmured assurances to her as Serle limped up to the group. “I’ll be fine. I just twisted my ankle in the dark.”

The woman moved over to him and prodded at the gash on his bare arm. Blood ran heavy through the dirt and sweat until it dripped onto the ground. “I can still tie a bandage.”

The scout looked up at the others while she went to work. “They’re still coming.”

The chieftain asked, “How many?”

“All of them.”

Oth could read the men’s stunned silence in the darkness. They all had the disbelieving look of a drowning man being handed a millstone. One of the men looked up at the black sky. “We’ve been forsaken.”

Some women nearby looked over at the men with renewed fear in their eyes. The chief reached out with his good arm and grabbed a fistful of the other man’s tunic. “Don’t ever say that! When God provides trials, God provides solutions.”

“Solutions?” asked the man. “What solutions do we have except more death?”

The men began to talk at once but Oth stepped apart and stared down at the bridge. Then he cast his gaze across his clan sitting in the cool night air like a collection of dirty tombstones outside a forgotten church. When he spoke, he filled the air with a confident rumbling. “I will stay here and stand in the gap. You will take the clan and flee.”

The men began to argue again. The medicine woman stopped tying the bandage and looked past them all, straight into Oth’s eyes. He ignored the voices around him and met her admonition without blinking. When the chieftain held up his hands for silence she turned away.

“Othren Four-Scars, you are the best warrior in the clan. The best in the Seven Hills. None would doubt your heart or your strength. But even you cannot stand against a hundred Pechti after a day and a night of running. They will rain their spears down on you and charge you again and again until you are stuck like a wild pig in a snare. We will all fight here.” The men murmured their agreement but Oth shook his head.

“Time is slipping away from us and we cannot argue any more. I don’t have to win. I just have to hold them back long enough and this bridge is the place to do it. Take the clan and lose them in the moors. By morning it will be decided here. After that, if they continue to pursue us…” Oth stopped for a moment and looked hard into the chieftain’s eyes. “You will all be needed to defend the clan against whatever tattooed men overrun my dead body.”

The men sputtered disagreement but the chieftain raised a hand to cut them off. “He speaks truth.” With that he turned and began rousing the clan. The stunned group of men looked back and forth between their leader and Oth, who stood like a stone pillar. Within moments, they filed away and the clan trudged out across the bridge.

As the clan moved, the medicine woman stopped at Oth’s side. “If you do this here, your secret can no longer be safe.”

Oth could not meet her gaze. He hefted his clubs in each hand and swung them as if to test their strength. “This morning I was useless. Here is where I can make a difference. Besides,” he added with a smile. “There is so little firewood on the moors, I doubt anyone would burn me as a witch even if they wanted to.” He patted the woman’s arm. “Better that I stay here and give you a chance at life.”

She returned his gesture. “There will be pain. You will grow weary.”

Oth took a deep breath and looked up at the clouds beginning to part. Stars sparkled, glinting points of precious steel in the dark. “I will do my best.”

She left him and one of the last men stopped to clasp forearms with him. “Oth, my friend, we’re frayed to the last twist. Not a single one can get past you.” He left him a tower shield that had been salvaged in the rush to abandon their burning village.

“They won’t.”

Friday, February 01, 2008

Return of the Sword


The ink is dry on the contracts and I'm very pleased to announce that my story "The Battle of Raven Kill" that had been accepted by Flashing Swords Magazine has now been scheduled to appear in their anthology, Return of the Sword. This book has an impressive table of contents and I'm thrilled to be a part of it. More information can be found here. RotS' editor is the very capable Jason Waltz of Howard von Darkmoor fame. He's been great to work with and is really driven to make this anthology stand out from the rest of the pack. And how can a cover like this above possibly fail!

Thursday, December 06, 2007

The Good News

The good news yesterday was that the very responsive people at Flashing Swords accepted "The Battle of Raven Kill" for the May issue. The contract was offered and I signed it and sent it in yesterday afternoon. I'm thrilled to be part of that publication; especially because the whole story was begun with them in mind. Many thanks go out to the many people who helped make the story what it became.

Monday, December 03, 2007

Self Censorship

An interesting thing came up while I was making the final revisions to "The Battle of Raven Kill." The story centers around the hero and his drive to succeed; if he gives up, he loses, if he keeps fighting, he wins. There were a few bits where he prayed to "The Great God" which was a fantasy analogy to the God of the Bible. (By the way, when did He start making His internet appearances under the stage name 'G-d?' Did I not get the memo?) Anyhow, the hero comes to a point where he really is waffling on whether or not to continue the struggle. He sees something that cements his resolve and gives him the determination to finish. Originally as written the line went like this:

"He could not give up. God d*** him for ever thinking that he could."

As you can see, even though I typed it... I had reservations about it. I suppose it's not technically taking the Lord's name in vain but I still sat there for several minutes and went back and forth about it. In the end I just didn't feel comfortable with it and changed it to this:

"He could not give up. The Great God damn him for ever thinking that he could."

I think the first line has more emotional punch when I look at it with a clinical view. Still, I just couldn't bring myself to leave it in.

Sunday, December 02, 2007

OK, So That Was a Bit Ambitious

Didn't quite get to That Roman Story but I did finish the final edit of "The Battle of Raven Kill" and it has now been sent to Flashing Swords. With helpful pointers from the best beta reader in the free or oppressed worlds I think I have captured a touching, heartfelt story and still managed to bash a few brains in at the same time. I just hope the good people at Flashing Swords don't mind a story with no swords.

Friday, October 26, 2007

The Least Surprising Event of the Week

No, not that Britney went back to rehab. I received a kindly rejection email from the agent who was looking over 1000 Things About Me. Now that I've decided it's really a memoir more than anything else I can go back through and craft it that way. Even I can admit there is always room for improvement in my writing, stellar as it often is. And for my next serving of humble pie, some time tomorrow I will get my beta reader's report on 'The Battle of Raven Kill.' I can tell already that it's going to be brutal. She asked me how 'receptive' I was to 'suggestions.' Oy! That's the equivalent of an oncologist insisting you sit down before going over the test results.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Battle's First Draft Finished

I finished 'The Battle of Raven Kill' in first draft form and have sent it off for the undoubtedly substantial improvement that will come when my very good friend goes over it and points out where I've been dense, daft, and just plain dorky. Now I have to seriously think about the next writing project. Or rather, which of my current writing projects to pick back up. I have two stories now that are still in rough draft form and need my attention. (By the way, I consider that first blast through to The End to be the rough draft and only after going back through and trying to bring the Story out of it do I consider it a first draft. In other words, rough draft and first draft are two different things. Until it is in first draft form, there's no point in sharing it because there's nothing there to share.) My inclination is to turn towards the reworking of 'Skyman' because I have a clearer idea of how to get it into first draft form. I seem to be thinking up bits and pieces of scenes for my novel project Broken so I'll let it continue in that fashion. In other news, I still haven't heard anything back from the agent looking at 1000 Things About Me. Onward and upward.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Writing Lessons From Chopping Things Off

This morning I made a decision that greatly improved The Battle of Raven Kill. I chopped off the first four pages. Like an executioner's axe already bloody from a busy punch list, I carved away the pages of setup and description that I had previously thought necessary. Why? Because they were slowing down the story and kept bringing up more questions than they answered. Many people feel that they must explain things to their readers early on in the story or else the reader won't 'get it.' What I found when I tried to do this was that I wasn't making things clearer, I was making them murkier. Questions like 'who are these people?' and 'what is their relationship to the main character?' kept coming up. Every time I tried to work on that section I found I needed to expand things when I knew I wanted to contract them. The solution was beginning to become apparent and this morning I just did it. Reading through the reworked opening showed me that everything I was trying to set up could be done in one paragraph. It is simply much better this way.

Added bonus: I saved the writing to another file and now I have Deleted Scenes that I can add to the DVD.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Slow Going

I'm having a tough time getting through the first draft of 'The Battle of Raven Kill.' Like several of my concept pieces there's action and imagery but no pathos. I'm trying to work in ways to build that up and might be able to pull it off in the end but for now it's a little weak. One problem is lack of dialog between hero and villain. Another problem is lack of single villain. (Which might explain the first problem.) I've also confined the action to a single bridge. All of which are mounting up to cause problems, or rather, challenges. And so it goes.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Progress Was Made

Our time at the beach was not all about roasting hot dogs and making obscure observations about the consistency of sand and water. As usual, nobody wakes up earlier than me. That gave me a few mornings to write and play Medieval: Total War. Progress was made on both fronts. The Battle of Raven Kill is now at 2800 words and the Aragonese conquered all of Europe.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

The Battle For The Battle of Raven Kill

OK, after a little examination of what it means to be a writer (i.e. you write) I have put in some time this morning on 'The Battle of Raven Kill.' I've written the first encounter between the protagonist, who's name is currently Othren Four-Scars but is shortened to Oth, and the raiders that are trying to wipe out his clan, the vile tattooed men called the Pechti. Although I know I am slipping into just pounding out the mechanics of the story there are still little bits of characterization that come to me as I write. This time I'm trying to write quickly and drop in notes to myself when I know that some sort of expansion is needed. I'm also trying to push the envelope a little with graphic combat detail, which I feel is necessary since the whole story is a fight on the bridge. One thing though, I'm seeing the word count rack up past 2000 and I haven't gotten to the meat of the battle yet so some detail may have to get chopped due to space considerations. Getting a story published that's more than five or six thousand words starts to get tricky.

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Son Number Three Speaks His Mind

Son Number Three spoke his first real word today. He looked up at me when I walked into the room this morning and declared, "Dada." This is the first time he's definitely associated me with the sound and I'm counting it as official.

In other news, I wrote a few hundred words for "The Battle of Raven Kill" this morning. I think I am finding the tone and direction for the story and I am trying to get it completed in time to start submitting by the end of summer. Unfortunately, the market I was aiming for, Flashing Swords e-zine, has run into some difficulty and has suspended operations indefinitely. Hopefully something will open up and it will find a home.

Sunday, February 25, 2007

The Battle of Raven Kill

Started this story over the weekend. I wrote the first couple of pages but it had some point of view problems so I think I'm going to start again. I only had a vague idea of how I wanted to get into the action so I just started typing. As usual, the necessary cast of supporting characters started sprouting up and thus I arrived at the POV issue. I begin with the main character's clan, or what's left of them, huddled by a river and getting the bad news that the bad guys are still after them. The main character, who working name is Oth (which I just realized has a military connection I should have seen before; OTH stands for Other Than Honorable discharge), has a special attribute that will become apparent as the story progresses. This gets foreshadowed by the clan's healer/shaman/wise woman. There's also the clan chief and some other warriors who have bit parts in the beginning. To add to the sense of danger and help raise the stakes that Oth must fight for, I'm also going to throw in some pitiable but oh-so-cute waifs who will be slaughtered if he fails. This all needs to happen by about page three.

However, if I can't pull off a readably tense opening scene then I might just start off with Oth alone on the bridge and do some flashbacks while he fights. Now that I think of it, some flashbacks might be good to plan on. One long extended fight scene that has no change of location could get boring. There has to be some kind of pause in the action to let a reader catch their breath, to introduce some bad guy characters, and to build up the tension as everyone involved starts to realize what they must do. I had originally thought of just writing a bunch of fight scenes and calling it good but when it came to actually writing the thing, I started cooking up other thoughts. In the end, it has to be interesting to me or it just won't get written.